I See Monsters

Be a Good Girl, You've Got to Try a Little Harder

Hi! Hi! Hi there! Hello!

So, yeah. It's been a long time since I've posted. At one point, it got so bad that two separate people asked me "Are you ever going to blog again?" I have to admit, my answer at the time was "I don't know." And I meant it. I log into Typepad all the time to write for Zap2it, and every time I logged in this page would mock me. "You have nothing to say," it scoffed, "and besides, you can't even post those pictures you promised about your trip across country! You suck!" Unfortunately, I sort of agreed. I did suck. I couldn't come up with anything clever to say and I couldn't even post something non-clever about my road trip because I never got around to figuring out how to download the pictures from my camera on the new computer I'd been using. If I couldn't do it right, I didn't want to do it at all.

Well, the other day I was reading a magazine article about the pursuit of perfection being a self-defeating prophecy, and it struck me. I don't have to be perfect, or clever, or funny, or on top of it. If I want to write I am going to write. So, therefore, I bring you this very non-perfect (unperfect? no - imperfect!) entry, bullet point style.

• My Nashville move is a done deal! I got there on Easter Sunday and have been spending the past month looking for a job, eating at delicious local restaurants, bothering Nea and Pablo, and playing Zuma. Nashville is a great place and I feel like it could be a good home for me. Now, I just need a darn job. If anyone knows someone who's looking in that area, give me a heads up! I need all the help I can get.
• Pablo and I went to an Okkervil River concert a few weeks ago and it was freaking amazing. At one point, they transitioned right from a killer version of "John Allyn Smith Sails" to an intense crowd singalong of "For Real," and I almost died of pure sonic pleasure. I know 99% of you don't know what I'm talking about, but for that 1% of you who does I just sort of blew your mind, didn't I? You're welcome.
• Right now I am in Florida (details to follow) and McDonald's is waging a hilarious campaign against Chick-Fil-A around here. They have all of these billboards promoting their "Southern style" chicken sandwiches and biscuits, with slogans like "All White Meat, All Week" and "Southern hospitality seven days a week." It's hilarious. (For those of you who aren't familiar with Chick-Fil-A, they are closed on Sundays.) Perhaps I find it so amusing because I am obsessed with Chick-Fil-A now that I live within driving distance of one again. Mmm...delicious. McDonald's, you suck, especially because the other day I was having a rough day (because I totally dented my car hard-core, because I'm an idiot) and I wanted one of your delicious ice cream cones. Did you have ice cream cones? Nooooo. Jerks. Fix your damn ice cream machine!
• I am in Florida because...drum roll please...I am going on a 16 day Transatlantic cruise! My mother has been booked to go on this cruise with some friends for a while, but the person she was planning to room with fell ill a few weeks ago and had to drop out so I got put in her place! Eeeeee! We leave Saturday from Miami and then travel to two places in the Canary Islands, Morocco, two places in Spain, Cannes, and Florence, ending in Rome. How awesome is this? Yes, I owe my mother far too much money now, but this was an opportunity I couldn't pass up. I'm a bit concerned about the first seven days at sea (seven!) but I figure I can always drink if I start to get stir crazy. Ah, $6 daiquiris. I have a feeling my bar bill is going to be quite steep at the end of the journey. I promise to take lots of pictures and actually figure out how to get them off of my camera and onto this site.

Well, that's about it. I apologize for not posting comments on any of your sites - I haven't opened my Google Reader once in Nashville! I'm sort of afraid of it now. My goal when I return - to catch up on what all of you are doing. See you in three weeks!

It's a New Dawn, It's a New Day, It's a New Life For Me...

...and I'm feelin' good. 

Why?  Because things are a-changin', in the most exciting and terrifying ways. 

Exhibit A:

My new haircut.   It's kind of short!  And I can't figure out how to fix it yet!  Still, it is sort of freeing to start the new year with a new 'do.  It feels like metaphorically cutting off all of the bad parts of 2007 via your dead and lifeless hair. 

(Sorry I sort of look pissed off in this pic, but it was the one that best showed off the haircut.  Besides, whenever I direct myself in photos, what in my head is supposed to be "mysterious and intriguing" usually turns out as "bitchy and dead-eyed."  I'd never make it on America's Next Top Model, because I am physically incapable of smiling with my eyes.)

Exhibit B:

Somehow, someway, I've been hired to do what I've happily been doing for free for years, recap television shows.  Zap2it.com's fun recap section It Happened Last Night is the victim upon which I will unleash the beast: my weekly, sure-to-be-brilliant take on the trashy wonder that is One Tree Hill.   Seeing as they are flashing forward four years this season, I sort of can't wait to start talking about it.

I have the lovely Daniel to thank for this opportunity, as he so kindly recognized my OTH sickness and gave me the heads up when this position opened.  Then, as the former OTH recapper, he gleefully laughed at the prospect of me now being the target of tweener rage instead of him when I mistakenly root for the wrong couple.  Am I supposed to be a Nathan/Haley girl?  A Lucas/Peyton freak?  Or is Brooke/Lucas the way to go?  HELP ME, DANIEL.  I NEED GUIDANCE.  (And, sincerely, thanks for thinking of me.  Despite the terror-inducing thought of being berated by crazy Internet girls with a tenuous grasp on the English language, I'm pretty psyched about the gig.)

Exhibit C:

This is the big one.  I've been thinking about this for a while (a whole year!) and hinting around it in the comments for a bit, but I'm ready to make the big announcement.  The official statement, the one that will make it actually true and real.

I've decided that I'm leaving L.A. in March and moving to Nashville to find a new direction and purpose in life.

There are so many reasons I am leaving L.A., and I'm pretty sure I don't actually fully comprehend them all myself.  I just have this feeling that if I stay here, my life is never going to change.  I will still be doing this same dead-end job, going to the same places, and living in the same house until I am an old woman with only my cats to keep me company.  As much as I love my cats, the idea of living the rest of my days in a mediocre apartment in Valley Village is one of the most depressing things I can think of.

Mostly, though, I need to get away from the entertainment industry.  The things I once found exciting and engaging about the business, I now find appalling and soul crushing.  I've finally figured out that while I love to watch, talk about, analyze and write about television and movies, I just genuinely do not care for the process of making them.  I find it distasteful, and greedy, and I abhor how seriously everyone takes matters that are patently ridiculous, like whether or not someone flies first class or business class.  HOLY CRAP, THINGS LIKE THAT DON'T MATTER YOU SELFISH, PRIVILEGED JERKS.  Ahem.  Anywho, I'm just generally frustrated with everyone who thinks they are curing cancer instead of making a freaking movie or TV show.  A movie or TV show that, in all honesty, is probably going to be really horrible.

Will I miss things about L.A.?  Of course.  I have some great friends here, and leaving them is going to be the hardest part.  Also, the weather here is ridiculous and has spoiled me for life.  I have to deal with four actual seasons now?  And humidity?  And snow? Sigh.  Finally, one thing I will definitely miss is the level of tolerance that exists in L.A. (and any huge urban city, really) and the many cultural things I have access to by living in a big city.  Otherwise, though, I just don't think L.A. is the place for me.  I miss the South.  I miss a city with a soul.  I miss the feeling of community that you can get in other places which, frankly, doesn't exist here at all.  I don't know if Nashville will be the perfect place for me, but it has a lot to offer and I figure I need to give it a chance now while I still can.

The only thing I'm petrified about?  I feel like a recent college graduate, in that I have no idea what I am going to do with the rest of my life.  It's quite a scary position to find yourself in at the age of 30, but I suppose better now than at 40, or 50, or 60.  Luckily I have some amazing friends in Nea and Pablo, who are kindly allowing me to live with them while I search for a job and get settled in the city.  I'm pretty sure this move is going to be good for my creativity as well, seeing as they don't have an oven and I get a little twitchy if I don't bake something on a regular basis.  Perhaps I will design a cookbook completely around recipes you can make in a toaster oven or perfect the art of baking on a grill.  It's how I'll make my millions!

Well, that's my 2008 so far.  Any new developments in your life that you want to share?  This could be like one big life-changing purge!  People from across the Internets will come to read!  ....or not.