I See Monsters

The Best of Intentions

So. I promised a friend I would have a blog post yesterday about my awesome cruise, but somewhere between when I finally figured out how to upload the pics on the computer and when I saw how long it was going to take me to sort all 300 pictures and label them, I realized. I'm totally not going to have a blog post yesterday, or even today.  Um, oops?

In the meantime, please enjoy this picture of my cat Shumpert in the dryer.

Now, please enjoy this picture of my cat Shumpert judging me for watching Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Despite the fact that he's sort of an asshole, I sure do miss that little guy. (Shumpert, not John Connor. In case that was unclear. Although John Connor might be an asshole, too. If I was forced to outrun killer robots all my life I would probably be sort of an asshole.)

OK, cruise post coming soon! I promise.

Be a Good Girl, You've Got to Try a Little Harder

Hi! Hi! Hi there! Hello!

So, yeah. It's been a long time since I've posted. At one point, it got so bad that two separate people asked me "Are you ever going to blog again?" I have to admit, my answer at the time was "I don't know." And I meant it. I log into Typepad all the time to write for Zap2it, and every time I logged in this page would mock me. "You have nothing to say," it scoffed, "and besides, you can't even post those pictures you promised about your trip across country! You suck!" Unfortunately, I sort of agreed. I did suck. I couldn't come up with anything clever to say and I couldn't even post something non-clever about my road trip because I never got around to figuring out how to download the pictures from my camera on the new computer I'd been using. If I couldn't do it right, I didn't want to do it at all.

Well, the other day I was reading a magazine article about the pursuit of perfection being a self-defeating prophecy, and it struck me. I don't have to be perfect, or clever, or funny, or on top of it. If I want to write I am going to write. So, therefore, I bring you this very non-perfect (unperfect? no - imperfect!) entry, bullet point style.

• My Nashville move is a done deal! I got there on Easter Sunday and have been spending the past month looking for a job, eating at delicious local restaurants, bothering Nea and Pablo, and playing Zuma. Nashville is a great place and I feel like it could be a good home for me. Now, I just need a darn job. If anyone knows someone who's looking in that area, give me a heads up! I need all the help I can get.
• Pablo and I went to an Okkervil River concert a few weeks ago and it was freaking amazing. At one point, they transitioned right from a killer version of "John Allyn Smith Sails" to an intense crowd singalong of "For Real," and I almost died of pure sonic pleasure. I know 99% of you don't know what I'm talking about, but for that 1% of you who does I just sort of blew your mind, didn't I? You're welcome.
• Right now I am in Florida (details to follow) and McDonald's is waging a hilarious campaign against Chick-Fil-A around here. They have all of these billboards promoting their "Southern style" chicken sandwiches and biscuits, with slogans like "All White Meat, All Week" and "Southern hospitality seven days a week." It's hilarious. (For those of you who aren't familiar with Chick-Fil-A, they are closed on Sundays.) Perhaps I find it so amusing because I am obsessed with Chick-Fil-A now that I live within driving distance of one again. Mmm...delicious. McDonald's, you suck, especially because the other day I was having a rough day (because I totally dented my car hard-core, because I'm an idiot) and I wanted one of your delicious ice cream cones. Did you have ice cream cones? Nooooo. Jerks. Fix your damn ice cream machine!
• I am in Florida because...drum roll please...I am going on a 16 day Transatlantic cruise! My mother has been booked to go on this cruise with some friends for a while, but the person she was planning to room with fell ill a few weeks ago and had to drop out so I got put in her place! Eeeeee! We leave Saturday from Miami and then travel to two places in the Canary Islands, Morocco, two places in Spain, Cannes, and Florence, ending in Rome. How awesome is this? Yes, I owe my mother far too much money now, but this was an opportunity I couldn't pass up. I'm a bit concerned about the first seven days at sea (seven!) but I figure I can always drink if I start to get stir crazy. Ah, $6 daiquiris. I have a feeling my bar bill is going to be quite steep at the end of the journey. I promise to take lots of pictures and actually figure out how to get them off of my camera and onto this site.

Well, that's about it. I apologize for not posting comments on any of your sites - I haven't opened my Google Reader once in Nashville! I'm sort of afraid of it now. My goal when I return - to catch up on what all of you are doing. See you in three weeks!

I'm Not Dead

Just dead inside.*

Watch this space, an actual post describing the exciting times in the life of Carrie coming soon...

*Not really. I promise.

War, What Is It Good For?

Let's talk about Stop-Loss for a second.

I've been looking forward to this movie ever since I first heard of it months ago because I have a gigantic acting crush on Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I think he's a fantastic, exciting young actor and his website is really cool. (And dear Lord help me for calling a twentysomething guy "young." Now get off my lawn!) Also, it's written and directed by Kimberly Pierce, who helmed the very affecting Boys Don't Cry. Exciting, right?

But then the other day the premiere invites came with the movie poster on the front. (Yes, full disclosure, the company I work for produced this movie.) As soon as I saw that, my entire view of what the movie was going to be was pretty much shattered. Well...just look at the poster:

Remind you of anything? Let me refresh your memories:

Then I sought out the trailer out of curiosity. Well...just watch the trailer:

Not only did they steal the poster from Varsity Blues, but Ryan Phillippe and Channing Tatum also seem to have stolen James Van Der Beek's atrocious accent.

I am very concerned. I'm hoping this is just a case of marketing gone crazy and the movie is actually a little bit subtle and thoughtful because this is not the movie I thought it was going to be, and you know I am still going to see it because of my aforementioned affection for JGL's acting and shirtless Channing Tatum. I don't want to be forced to sit through crap to see actors I like! I mean, I'm already going to be shelling out cash for this travesty in a few weeks to see an actor I love. There's only so much a girl can take.

Well I Heard There Was a Secret Chord

I gave up American Idol for good this year, and boy was that a load off my back. I am 57% happier for making that decision. Truly. Since I gave it up I've been happy to slag the show, because truly it is mostly vapid and horrible. But...but...BUT. I can't be too angry at a show that causes Jeff Buckley's gorgeous version of "Hallelujah" to be the #1 download on iTunes. I just can't be mad at that.

So, young people, download Jeff Buckley! I don't even care that an evil corporate empire that sucks the brains out of half of America for 5 months each year is the cause.

Quotient Quotables*

Wow, I haven't posted in a while, huh? Sorry about that. I have tons of excuses (I'm too stressed about moving across the country to write, I'm too excited about moving across the country to write, I'm too busy packing all of my shit to write, I'm suddenly bogged down with social commitments because I've learned moving makes you extremely popular and therefore could not write, I was too busy playing Rock Band to write, I was too consumed with catching up on my Tivoed reruns of The O.C. and One Tree Hill on SoapNet to write) but I won't use any of them because they're just lame excuses. I'm lazy. That's why I haven't written.

Self-awareness. I'm working on it.

I have a few things to post about soon, like LL Cool A's amazing new addition to the apartment and the very grownup party Banana and I just hosted, but I think I'll wait on that stuff because I found something much more fun to do. A meme! I saw this little movie meme floating around in several places (first at Candy's blog) and decided I must do it.

Here's how it works:

Look up 15 of your favorite films on IMDb and take a quote from each. List them below. When someone guesses the quote correctly, cross it off the list. NO CHEATING. (Seriously, NO GOOGLING! NO IMDB-ING! It ruins all the fun.)

Leave a comment with your answers and I'll credit you when you get them right. Some of you who know me might have an advantage by knowing my favorite movies, and many of my favorite movies are pretty mainstream. So, I've decided that the more obvious the movie, the more obscure quote I am going to pick. And yes, my favorite movies are relentlessly girlie and many of them are not very good. I don't care, I like them anyway.

*Note: I think my last two are proving a bit too hard so I am going to give hints. See parentheses below.

The Quotes: 15 of My Favorite Films

1. “The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”  - Moulin Rouge, as answered by Kate1976
2. “This famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that Cellar Door is the most beautiful.” - Donnie Darko, as answered by Fort Knocks
3. “Respect the cock! And tame the cunt! Tame it! Take it on headfirst with the skills that I will teach you at work and say no! You will not control me! No! You will not take my soul! No! You will not win this game!” - Magnolia, as answered by Supermario 85 (1)
4. “You see the salt on this pretzel? Look at the stars. Some people, they say the stars are billions and billions of tons of hot gas. But I think maybe, maybe it's just God's salt. And God's just waiting to eat us.” - Can't Hardly Wait, as answered by The Pickle Stealer
5. “You come to me out of the blue, asking to buy 20 hits. Just so happens that 20 being the magic number at which intent to sell becomes trafficking!” - Go, as answered by Jen
6. “Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work, but I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I'm swamped.” - The Princess Bride, as answered by Stephanie
7. “Never take it seriously, you never get hurt. Never get hurt, you can always have fun. And if you ever get lonely, you just go to the record store and visit all your friends.” - Almost Famous, as answered by Candy
8. “Bottom line is, we're around each other an'... this thing, it grabs hold of us again, at the wrong place, at the wrong time...and we're dead.” - Brokeback Mountain, as answered by Supermario 85 (1)
9. “So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.” - The Notebook, as answered by Kelli
10. “Look at it out here, it's all falling apart. I'm erasing you and I'm happy!” - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, as answered by Krista
11. “Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They're single-serving friends.” - Fight Club, as answered by Stephanie
12. “At home we had a pet skunk. Mama used to call it Justin Matisse. Do you think that's just a coincidence? All day long she would scream, "You stink Justin Matisse!" Then one day she just picked up a club and killed it.” - Hope Floats, as answered by Kelli
13. “Okay, James, I wish you hadn't shot my girlfriend's dog. Even though Poe and I weren't exactly what you'd call simpatico, that's no reason he should've taken two in the chest.” - Wonder Boys, as answered by Jen
14. “Ask any dope rat where their junk sprang and they'll say they scraped it from that, who scored it from this, who bought it off so, and after four or five connections the list always ends with The Pin. But I bet you, if you got every rat in town together and said "Show your hands" if any of them've actually seen The Pin, you'd get a crowd of full pockets.” (Hint: this indie film won the Special Jury Prize for "originality of vision" at the 2005 Sundance festival. Also, it stars a former TV sitcom actor who's gone very indie in the past few years in an amazing way, in the process becoming one of my favorite young actors.) - Brick, as answered by Stephanie (and Pablo!)
15. “Do you no good to go poking around under rocks, Justin. Some very nasty things live under rocks, especially in foreign gardens.” (Hint: this film won an Oscar for best supporting actress in 2006. This same actress recently co-starred in a romantic comedy featuring my favorite shirtless man.) - The Constant Gardener, as answered by Kelli

I'm totally doing this with TV shows next. I have so many TV quotes burned into my brain, I don't think I would even have to look anything up. Happy guessing!

*Yes, I know this makes no sense.

Kill Me Now

I've started my second recapping gig over at It Happened Last Night. I will be covering the illustrious Wednesday elimination episode of Big Brother: 'Til Death Do You Part. It's already horrendously addicting.

Here's a belated link to my first column (posted Wednesday night):

Secrets revealed on 'Big Brother': 'Til Death Do You Part

I do not know how I am going to work that ungainly title into my headline each week. Please click, read, comment, and revel in wonderment at the comments that have already been left. They're...interesting, to say the least.

Is it Weird...

...that I totally want to see Step Up 2 the Streets? Like, non-ironically? Also, is it weird that there is no colon involved in that title? It feels like it needs a colon.

Whatever. I'm going to go see Definitely, Maybe instead and hope Ryan Reynolds takes his shirt off.

Come on Get Down with the Sickness

I have that mutant flu virus of death that is currently kicking the ass of 50% of America. Normally I would wax poetic about how awful I feel, but chances are everyone reading this godforsaken entry already has it and knows just how unbelievably terrible it is. In case you're one of the lucky few to escape this madness, just know that this is some serious 28 Days shit. I would not be surprised if I woke up tomorrow and had the taste for blood and brains and could move really fast and had the all-consuming desire to bleed into your orifices. (Hey, at least if I'm going to be a zombie I'm not one of those old-school, slow, STUPID zombies who are always mumbling about brains. I am such a bright-sider.)

However, I was not such a bright-sider this morning when I was sitting on the floor of my shower willing myself the strength to stand up. Seriously, I was so wiped from my cleansing ritual I had to sit on my bed for 15 minutes and watch The O.C. while I regained my strength. It's a tough life. (Another brightside moment, though? Half-assedly blow drying my hair out of exhaustion made for some superior tresses today, at least in the front. The back looks like something Amy Winehouse would reject as too ratty, but the part framing my face is stylin'.) (Un-brightsiding: the cold sore on my lip is not so stylin'. Ew.)

Anyway, since all I could do for three days was sleep and then not be able to sleep because I was too busy moaning about how uncomfortable I was, I inevitably watched a lot of TV. And now I have something to say about it, as I am wont to do:

• I deleted my Nip/Tuck season pass. I just don't care anymore. Freedom, hooray! But I will miss Bradley Cooper. And Kimber.
• I watched like 14 episodes of The O.C. I had saved up on my Tivo. Dear Sweet Baby Jesus, I love season one of that show. The season finale when Ryan leaves and Seth sails away and they play "Hallelujah"? Gives me crying fits like nothing else. Guys, it is really hard to cry like a loon when you have a wicked cough. It comes out as some sort of cry/cough/gag/dry heave. Not. Pretty.
• Still on The O.C. tip, the second time around I am enjoying Ryan FAR more than Seth. Seth is a self-involved, selfish little jerk most of the time. How did I not notice this before? I think the spell of The Brody finally wore off. Perhaps it's just because I love it when Ryan smiles and he doesn't do it very often. It's like a special treasure.
• I'm still fever-ish. Please ignore me.
• I can't wait until season four when we get funny Ryan.
• God, am I still talking about The O.C.? Shut up, sicky.
• On last night's The Wire I BAWLED at Randy's appearance. The system sure did chew him up and spit him out, huh? I loved Randy the most. I am sad.
• If you haven't seen The Wire, please rent it from the beginning and watch. If you're a patient viewer, it's the most rewarding show in the history of television. Trust. It's amazing.
• I like Lipstick Jungle. So sue me. Those women are far more likable than the Cashmere Mafia set, and the young hot piece that Kim Raver is sexin' is freaking fantastic looking. He's like a nouveau Ben Covington. Hot, hot, hot.
• I watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang in the midst of my highest fever state. I liked it, I think. It was really hard to follow (because of the fever, I hope). All I know is that a dog ate a finger and Shannyn Sossamon was the daughter who wasn't the daughter who wore pink wigs and Val Kilmer played a ruthless gay private detective and was pretty funny. Also, there was a weird scene with a spider and a bra but I might have hallucinated that part. Oh, and Corbin Bersen was in it maybe? I definitely think I hallucinated that part. Right? I mean, Corbin Bernsen.
• Yesterday when I finally felt human enough to get out of bed (but not better, oh no, god forbid I actually kick this thing) I went to my internet and saw this:

(Full story at Give Me My Remote. This was just for the pretty picture.)

And, well, when I get to have Pacey 1) potentially on my TV screen every week in a lead role; 2) in a $10 million pilot co-written by J.J. Abrams and two awesome writers from Alias, Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci and directed by Alex Graves of Journeyman; and 3) in a pilot that is being described as X-Files-ish? Well, fuck me three ways from Sunday. Being sick doesn't matter when life is this good.

There I Go, Turn the Page

I don't know if all of you have played Rock Band, but I am hereby declaring it the most awesome video game that has ever existed in the history of video games. It is quite possibly the most awesome thing to ever exist in the history of anything, period.

It's an absolutely genius idea for a game because we all grew up secretly wanting to be a rock star. Right? Personally, I practiced my rock star skills growing up by rollerskating up and down my driveway while belting out REO Speedwagon tunes or holing up in my room recording myself singing along to Gloria Estefan and the Sound Machine on the radio. Unfortunately, I realized quickly that I have no actual talent or charisma. It took me until later on in life to realize that REO Speedwagon and Gloria Estefan aren't rock stars. Air Supply, on the other hand...

Anywhoodle, this is where Rock Band comes in. Talent and charisma are not required! All you need to do is sort of follow along and have fun and pretend. Pretending is grand.  Grand, I tell you! There is a downside to the game, though. You kind of look like an idiot while you play. Exhibit A:

These kids are totally having an awesome time and I love them. But notice how they look kind of ridiculous. (I admire that they have actual drums in the room, however.) I never want to see video of myself playing this game, as I might die in a pile of embarrassed ashes on the spot.

The other problem with the game (besides the fact that it lives at Webster's Dad and Sluggo's house so I spend most of my days trying to figure out how to scheme an invitation from them to come over and play) is that the song selection sort of sucks. I have somehow been deemed "the singer" when our band Chimp Nipple (playing at a lonely, desperate dive bar online today!) gets together. Being the singer, if you don't know the song you are completely hosed. And strangely, I don't know or don't like a LOT of songs on this stupid game. That makes the feature where you sing random songs super duper fun! And we do that feature a lot!

When Chimp Nipple is rocking out in random song mode, I sit tensely awaiting the song title to pop up, praying to the rock gods I get something decent. Because I'm bored, I thought I would document what songs suck and what songs are awesome. I would just like to say, in my defense, even if I've never heard a song before I will sportingly try to use the "notes" on the game to figure it out. Dudes, just an FYI. That's hard. I've only ever totally crapped out like twice, though, and once was on a Coheed & Cambria song, which I'm pretty sure is not a real band but some cruel joke thrown in there by the game designers to make people crazy.

OK, on to the list!

Awesome:
"Say It Ain't So" - Weezer (The bridge is awesome, awesome!)
"Wanted Dead or Alive" - Bon Jovi (Dude, the crowd sings the Richie Sambora part. Clutch.)
"Here it Goes Again" - OK Go (I suck at this song, but it's fun.)
"When You Were Young" - The Killers (My favorite. I hated this song before Rock Band, but it is SO FUN to sing.)
"Enter Sandman" - Metallica (I pretend I am 14 again and singing it in my bedroom.)
"Celebrity Skin" - Hole (Girl rock!)
"Go With the Flow" - Queens of the Stone Age (Homme!)
"Dirty Little Secret" - All-American Rejects (Fun, and offensive! Bonus.)

Crap:
"Highway Star" - Deep Purple (This is some guy singing about his car. Do not want.)
"Sabotage" - Beastie Boys (This is not singing. And I am not a rapper.)
"Suffragette City" - David Bowie (Everyone groans when this comes up. It's not just me!)
"Next to You" - The Police (Ditto. Of all the Police songs, this is the one they get rights to?)
"Welcome Home" - Coheed & Cambria (I'm pretty sure this is not an actual band. Right? Please? I hope? This song is beyond terrible.)
"Run to the Hills" - Iron Maiden (Okay, I've never sung this. But I was playing drums and heard Webster's Dad singing something about rapes and stuff, and got lost in a fit of giggles. Why so political, Iron Maiden?)
"Gimme Shelter" - Rolling Stones (I don't so much know how to sing this one. Weird, right?)
"In Bloom" - Nirvana (Most. Boring. Vocals. Ever.)
"Dead on Arrival" - Fall Out Boy (I'm pretty sure trying to sing this gave me hives.)

All right. Fess up. Who else plays Rock Band? And if so, can I come over to your house and play?